What you say to yourself matters

If you’ve ever told yourself to “stop messing up” in the middle of a game… you’re not alone. I’ve been there. So have my clients. And I’ll be honest, it can be a hard habit to break. But, this kind of self-talk does not help.

The truth is, self-talk isn’t just some fluffy mental skill. It directly impacts how we perform under pressure. According to leading researchers in sport psychology, self-talk influences everything from confidence to focus to emotional control.

Whether you're serving for the set, stepping up to the free-throw line, or walking into a tryout... What you say to yourself MATTERS.

Here are 3 self-talk shifts that I’ve seen make a huge difference, both personally and professionally👇

#1 FROM: “Don’t mess this up”

TO: “I'll focus on what I can control”

When we tell ourselves “don’t mess up,” our brain actually fixates on the thing we’re trying to avoid: MESSING UP. For example, if I told you, "Don't think about a pink polar bear". The first think you are going to think of is the pink polar bear (which sounds super cute btw)!

Furthermore, there is a shift from judgement, "don't mess up", to instruction, "focus on this". Vague judgements like this don't give direction, can be confusing, and definitely can hurt. When athletes use instructional self-talk, that is task-relevant and process-focused, their attention, motor control, and confidence improves (Weinberg & Gould, 2023).

Try replacing anxious or vague commands with specific, controllable focus points:

“Keep moving.” “Keep your eye on the ball.” “Stay aggressive.”

These types of instructional cues give your brain a job, and get you out of your own way.

#2 FROM: “I always choke in big moments”

TO: “I’ve trained for this. I can handle the pressure.”

Athletes who label themselves based on past performances often get trapped in a cycle of low confidence and self-fulfilling prophecies.

Sound familiar?

The good news: confidence is trainable. Bandura (1997) argued that verbal persuasion (what you say to yourself) can significantly boost self-efficacy when paired with preparation and experience.

Try this instead:

“Pressure is a privilege.” “This is just another rep.” “I've played well under pressure, I can do this again.”

#3 FROM: “I’m not good at this”

TO: “I’m learning. Growth takes time.”

This one hits home for a lot of athletes, especially younger ones, perfectionists, and those coming back from injuries.

Self-talk rooted in growth mindset is strongly correlated with increased motivation, persistence, and resilience (Williams & Krane, 2021). Saying “I’m learning” is NOT soft. It’s strategic. It helps athletes reframe mistakes as part of the process, not proof of failure.

Try this:

After making a mistake or losing a game, pause and ask yourself, "What am I learning from this?"

Final Thought:

Your inner voice is with you more than anyone else.

Train it.

Nurture it.

Speak to yourself like someone you’re coaching, not criticizing.

Confidence doesn’t show up magically.

It grows from the words you choose daily. 🧠💪

References:

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. New York: Freeman.

Weinberg, R., & Gould, D. (2023). Foundations of Sport and Exercise Psychology (8th ed.). Human Kinetics.

Williams, J. M., & Krane, V. (2021). Applied Sport Psychology: Personal Growth to Peak Performance (8th ed.). McGraw-Hill.

P.S.

I work 1:1 with athletes and coaches to build practical mental training tools like this! No fluff, no lectures, just strategies that actually help you feel more confident when it counts.

Book a free 20-minute consult to see if we’re a good fit!

Book here!